God …my God

I have often wondered about who you truly are, heard many stories about who they say you are. But I know your name…and I know your voice….and I know your unconditional love calling me daily to come to you.

You are in and of everything that is and is yet to be. And beyond my dreams or any thing I could accomplish…I find that you are greater still. You are holy and undeniably worthy of endless praise. From the depths of my heart you know me, nothing I could ever explain. How it is that you care so much for me, even though my sins are like rain (so many).

You are God…my God. You are God….my God. You call me friend, you say I am your daughter and you love me like no other…you are God….my God. I will never know what it is to be like you, though I search within myself to find that part of you that is real….you are God…my God.

The Balancing Act

It takes patience to know yourself. Seems so much easier trying to be someone else.

I tried hard to understand the beauty that I couldn’t see in the mirror.

After all, she is me and I am her…yet what we see can only be seen through the eyes of the world.

What a reflection! Got me shaking my head like “Progress, not perfection!” 

I hate it when I make mistakes. I’m better than the choices that I sometimes make, my judgement was

just poor that day. Or maybe I did it intentionally, everyone was already judging me. Guess they decided

I wasn’t meant for anything great…and sometimes I believe the hurtful things they say. So I tune them

out and tune into my favorite station on Pandora. I listen to songs that express the pain I hold inside, I’m trying

my best to let go of my pride and realize that everyone doesn’t deserve an honest conversation. What a

reflection? Got me shaking my head like “Progress, not perfection!”

I love Her

I love her in a way that no one else can,

I know her, who she is and who she use to be,

I see her heart and all its intricate parts and still

I’m able to hold it gently in my hands, knowing the

weight of it is greater than any gold , her heart is a

true treasure to behold. I love her in a way that satisfies hunger,

she is the fullness of life that alludes to sweet slumber. And even then

I dream of her, she elevatesmy soul getting me high and I am speechless

at the wonder of it all, she is beautiful even unto her flaws. I love her in a

way that is unconditional, she’s far from average and she’s original, I adore her

spirit so warm and inviting,passionately at times she is crying, because the way

she feels for you is undenying. I love her and I will not apologize for the truth, I

will own it in the same way in which she owns up to her mistakes, I will give into

her world because she’s made room for me to stay, and it is her inside of her love

that I will grow and come to know her ever so dearly, I will sit and stare into her

eyes till my reflection shows more clearly, I love her because she has always loved

me. How infinite are the shades of her….and I agree for the her I speak of is Me.

2 think is to knowself1st

 

The Game

I heard the whistle blow from the center of my life….I hear it from time to time

loud like  neon lights on a sign- calling me out on my bulls* saying “foul”- “holding”- “traveling”…

and at the moment I realize people are watching-a crowd full of mixed company… of haters and friends- including exes: the shoulda coulda woulda and has been

,from the sideline I can see players on my team, shaking they heads cause were no longer in the lead…I glance to the scoreboard with a heavy heart- so caught up

in my position I forgot to play the part. Again I hear the whistle yet the blow sounds internal, and it was coming straight from my soul…my condition was

critical, I had been hurt in the game, but rather than sit this one out, I begged the Coach to let me play.  “I’m  good!” I say, with a shriek of uncertainty in my

voice…knowing that from this point on the risk I’m taking is a result of choice. Choosing to loose in order to win, choosing to believe rather than deny,

choosing to start over when love has already said goodbye. I had practice, but I began to lack patience and passion for the game-reluctantly in it just to

remember my name. And again I hear the whistle blow from the center of my life, got me questioning who’s calling the shots cause I never get to the free

throw line.

Let Go & Fall

• As a child, one of my biggest fears was falling. And although my reason was legitmate- I didn’t want to get hurt and have boo boos- my fear of falling also kept me from STANDING! For example, I didn’t learn how to ride a bike until I was like 5 yrs old because I was so fearful of falling. No matter how much safety gear I had on, I was still so afraid of falling that my efforts to learn were faint.

Although fear is something that helps us to be careful about the places that we go and the things that we do, it also has a crippling affect. Fear stunts growth, hinders abilities, by passes opportunities and limits our experiences. Fear also manipulates us into self defeat and discourages us from making any attempts to further pursue. Thank God fear is not a physical person, and yet it is such a powerful gripping feeling that it literally consumes us at times.

The real weight behind it all is the fear of the unknown! For example; in a boxing match, the fighter always wants to know about the other opponent: how tall is he or she/ weight/ how many wins/ reputation, etc. As they say, “knowing is half the battle…” if the fighter knows some background information, he can better prepare himself to conquer and win.  However, prior knowledge is not always accessible and therefore involves risk taking, which many of us are afraid to do.

Allow me to reveal the true identity of fear…it is a thief- stealing every dream that you desired. It is a deceiver-compulsively twisting lies into truth.  It is a imposter– infringing on your potential to live and mature successfully at whatever you set your mind to. It human nature to anticipate the pros and cons of a situation and be fearful of what might happen, but our focal point should be the possibility; without the negative woes. The real fear should be never trying and always wondering what if. I encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone, take a chance and actively seek after whatever is in front of you….whether a relationship, a job, moving to a new place, buying a car, etc. Fear will only take you so far in life…but Faith will take you beyond where you wanted to be in life, it will take you all the way!

Let go and Fall….God is waiting to catch you anyway! We all have to know what it feels like to fall at some point,

so that we can appreciate what it truly means to stand!

2 think is 2 knowself1st

Blooming Purpose

 

“Tomorrow….. IS Yesterday again!” – DaVoice (Katurah Hughes)

One of the most interesting symbols in life that can be found in nature is a flower. Flowers have several different meanings as well as things that they symbolize and every part of its delicate form is an expression. For example, a red rose is often use to symbolize love. Violets symbolize loyalty, devotion and faithfulness.  An Iris flower symbolizes a message or truth. A Chrysanthemum symbolizes cheerfulness and joy. And  Forget-me-nots are self explainatory.   ( www.almanac.com/content/meaning-flowers )

  In my opinion, a flower is a mere reflection of who we are and the way life unfolds.  And more intriguingly there is a language of flowers that we understand. Like the flower, we begin as a “seed” in our mother’s womb, growing and developing. When we are born (sprout) we are exposed to the nature of things- the natural world- oxygen and all of its interacting parts like the sun, weather, insects, people, etc- we too are exposed to everyone and everything in the world. As we grow up (as do flowers), we experience some setbacks, “growing pains” (thorns) and yet we are also unlocking potential (the bud). Life happens to all of us and everything in nature must go through the process of coming into existence!

With that said, I pose a question to you: Let’s consider all that has happened to you in your life and all that has yet to happen in your life….are you blooming purpose? There is an advantage to being 6 feet above ground among the living! And although there are very dark moments that one can experience such as loss, grief, financial issues, etc, one must also live to experience his or her most triumphant moments! It begins with soul searching, really asking yourself “how did I get here?” (where I am) and “how will I get there?” (where I want to be ). It is also a matter of timing and understanding the essence of timing. What you do is just as important as when you do it! For example, If you buy a house that’s great news! But if you buy a house a month or two after you are married (if not before) or after you graduate from a Masters program…it is even better news!

By the same token, timing is essential to us like a flower, we can not bloom hastefully, we have to let things happen naturally, taking advantage of every disadvantage to grow into our full potential. That’s how you bloom purpose! A biblical reference: there are several scriptures that speak about timing. Three in particular that come to mind are: “There is a season for waiting, a season for giving, etc….” and ” All things work together for the good of them that love the Lord!” and ” Do not grow wearyin your well doing, for in due season ye shall reap the harvest!”

So I say to you, know that this life will take its course and there will be things that happen outside of your control. However, your peace of mind is knowing that everyday is another opportunity to tap into that greatness! Tomorrow…IS Yesterday again! So go ahead take your time, become centered in your desires and abilities, put into motion your dreams! The world is waiting for you…come out, come out wherever you are…

B.L.O.O.M! Boldly Living Out Ordinary Moments!

2 think is 2 knowself1st

I Choose Me!

  

Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life IS to be selfish!

As far as I can remember, the word Selfish has always had a negative connotation. The webster dictionary doesn’t offer a lighter meaning of the word either:  Caring only for oneself; concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself! We all can agree that Selfishness is not a very likeable quality in a person. However, I want to advocate for the flip side of being selfish. There is an advantage to being selfish at the right time!

In the words of the famous singer Janet Jackson, “What have you done for me lately?” Well, ask yourself, “what have YOU done for Yourself lately?” In most cases, probably absolutely nothing beyond the necessities of eating, paying your bills and making sure you are where you are expected to be during the week be it school, work, church, etc. It is important to take care of self first! In all that you do, make sure that you do for yourself! Often times, we are guilty of ignoring all the signs that tell us we need a “time out!” A day, a couple of hours, a week or even a moment to simply respond to the desires and demands of self!

Allow me to redeem the definition with this finding: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. Listen to your body…what is it telling you? Are you tired? Stressed? Hungry because your meals are deprived of a healthy diet? How do you feel? Beautiful? Grouchy? As ordinary and minor as these observations may seem, for some people these are very real everyday experiences that they think is inescapeable. You have to decide what you need as well as what you want. 

I caution you to weigh your needs and your wants because one may out weigh the other. Determine what you can go without and what you absolutely need in order to be happy. Then set a realistic time frame for instant satisfaction and one for long term satisfaction. You can always have something positive and fun to strive towards that gives you fulfillment. Rather than settling for the temporary and rountine of drinks, parties, sex, etc. Don’t get me wrong, these are enjoyable things to do, but are they really fulfilling to YOU or do you find yourself still trying to fill a void?

There is a time and place to be selfish and it is an act that you have to moderately put into practice. It is great that there are people in your life who depend on you and look to you for different things. However, one must be mindful of the fact that no one is a SUPERHERO and YOU are more precious than anything because there is only ONE OF YOU! Therefore, rule of thumb “Pay self first!” both literally and physically. In the words of the famous singer Beyonce, “Put your own love on top!”

This is a choice that you have to make and actively pursue for your own well being as an individual. Take the time you need and the space you need to be holistically well and confident in who you are. Come out of your “shell”, “Superhero”, “Bossy”, “Best Friend Always”, “Perfect Wife”, “Perfect Husband”, “Clingy Girlfriend or Boyfriend”, or whatever your situation and just do you! I choose me! Take the dare …choose YOU!

2 think is to knowself1st!

Fantasy and Reality- Which one are we living in?

   Referenced the song: “When it Hurts” by Avant

In this particular song, Avant sings about the complications of being in a relationship. He poses a question, “Cause its fantasy and reality- baby which one are we living in?” The song goes on to say, “When it hurts will we still be-the same two lovers all over each other. When it hurts will we still see- why we got together and promise that we’ll never be….temporary, ordinary, I wanna change people’s definition of love! The only way that this will work, is if you love me when it hurts!”

We all have different views as well as expectations about how a “relationship” should be. The only shared idea about a relationship is usually that the individuals involved both want one. Avant makes the case and points out the fact that any and every relationship will have its own advantages and disadvantages. The problem is the way in which couples view the relationship the more that they continue to date which means that their view of each other constantly changes. For example, in the beginning one may be very hopeful, excited, spontaneous, inquistive and interested. After a couple of months, one may begin to think that the relationship is routine, boring, predictable, uneventful, etc. On the other hand, your partner may have become twice as much involved, excited, spontaneous, etc. because their view of you and the relationship has not changed! We are easily influenced by media, movies, friends and become crippled by the “outsider looking in” syndrome towards other couples’ relationship. Therefore we are blinded by fantasies that we have accepted as “So this is Love”. ( referenced disney song “So this is Love” by Cinderella)

In my opinion, love has a way of molding you while admiring you at the same time. It attracts what it is (a likeness as to the way you would love a person) as well as mirrors what it sees (adapts to the way it receives love from a person). The mishap with couples is that almost instantly we encounter relationships with biases, expectations and fantasies before it has even had a chance to develop. We are constantly interacting with love in a “push and pull” motion (force) rather than a “give and take” motion (naturally).

My reality (and acronym) is that L.O.V.E means Living Out Various Experiences with someone that you like, care about and admire. We seem to take on this ultimate destination to a happy place which is often suggested through moving in together, marriage, a baby, etc. These are all good qualities to have in a relationship, however in my opinion, Love is the epitome of  a relationship! And a relationship is not and should not ever be a destination to a “happy place” it is a consistent journey in a happy place with a happy person- naturally! What couples fail to realize is that a relationship-regardless of sexual preference-is and should always be a “work in progress”.

I hope that as passionate travelers, we take advantage of relationships for what they truly are…opportunites to grow and experience together. I hope that we learn to coexist by remembering to first exist within the reality were born into and learn to find our own contentment in the simplicities that naturally happen everyday! Despite the moments of bullshit, mediocrity, disappointments, the silver lining is always in view, based on one’s perception. Fantasy and Reality- which one are you living in?

2 think is to knowself1st

 

Phases of Self

     And he asked me, “Who are you?”

    It is a profound question to ask someone. Especially, if one considers him or herself to be many intricate things- like a puzzle piece. “Who am I?” already suggests that I am an individual and one of many perspectives. I am the minority as well as the majority, depending on the case scenario. Who I am implies a certain role or an act depending unto whom. For example, the daughter of Mr. & Mrs. Hughes, the younger sibling to two older brothers, a best friend, an employee, a girlfriend, etc. “Who am I?” refers to you beyond your given name and talents…it is what I termed the “phases of self”.

The famous quote says, “to thy ownself be true!” With this in mind, who you are is just as important as who you are becoming and who you want to be! The phases of self will measure out within these three spheres, ideally imprinting one upon the other…YOU!

I believe that Life presents us with several choices to make and opportunities where we can exist in many different phases. For one, we are existing as human beings. In another sense and more literal, we are existing as an energy. The phases of self are developed through our own desires and are manipulated by those desires at the same time.  Complicated as it may be, it is furthermore shaped by the influences of others- individuals whom we value their opinion and want their approval. The expectations of others become somehow intertwined with our own expectations- and now we accept it as apart of SELF!  And because SELF is such an intimate entity of our divine existence,there is a natural reservation that happens too often and allows one to easily forget him or herself!

And he asked “Who are you?”  and I said ” I am She who is and has become and will be– a beautiful undenying possibility!  I am the passionate traveler maturing, inquiring and learning while moving through this life one day at a time.”

2 think is to knowself1st